Saturday, August 15

Girl (?) Fight Tonight!

This is a training video featuring Cris Cyborg, an indestructable mutant from Brazil. She is scheduled to fight the more popular and slightly less manly Gina Carano, known as a technician with a lot of heart. In these days of economic hardship, it's not difficult to see where the smart money is at.

This woman frightens me more than Kathy Griffin ever did, even after her plastic surgery. Do you remember when you were a baby and your junk was inside your body? Neither do I, but this is what Cris Cyborg makes me feel like. I think she crawled out of the same slimy vat as Crystl Bustos, the softball slugger and part-time 400lb. gorilla. Yes, she is available for bar mitzvas and used car sales.

The other day, it was announced that women's (ahem - womyn's) boxing will be added to the Olympics. Michael Wilbon predictably harumphed at the idea, calling it 'brutal,' and adding "what is this junk?" just for good measure. Typical snooty Wilbon. If you saw as many shitty sports in the Olympics as I did, I think you would have a similiar opinion. Trampoline? REALLY?!?!

Anywhoo, back to the video. Worth watching for the soundtrack alone. Near the end, when she shoots in and picks up her husband/catcher, I peed in my pants a little. Coupla gay moments, though:

* What's with the fan/bike (or is it bike/fan?)

* Throwing around big ropes confuses and angers me. So she can play double dutch with the fat kids ... but can she play chopsticks on the piano?

* Rolling credits at the end really isn't necessary. This ain't Cannes and you ain't Micheal Bay.

No comments: