Friday, November 18

Week 11: Blink 182 Edition

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SCREEN: This is a photoshop of Tim Tebow ... IF HE WAS BLACK. I think we can all agree that his beard would be trimmed a little tighter than that. I bet there's a Kanye West-esque Jesus Chain under all that Spiritual Armor he's wearing, too. Anyway, he went 9/20 for about a hundred yards and still beat the Jets. AWESOME.

This week marked a milestone for my Magnitudes: I benched Phil Rivers for Jay Cutler. He promptly broke his thumb. Anything I touch turns to shit.

I had to fucking rehire Shonne Greene because 99% of all NFL backs fucking suck this year and bye weeks are still decimating my roster. I swear that bye weeks are like Somalia during Ramadan. Predictably, Greene disappeared in the 2nd quarter with a rib injury, and my fate was sealed early on vs. Glenn's resurrected Homestead Hellions. He couldn't even scrounge 3 lousy points for me. To add insult to fatal injury, I was finished off by my fantasy football nemesis, Mr. Rob Gronkowski. WHY MUST YOU DESTROY MY HOPES OF WINNING, YOU GIANT GASH?

And just because Tara made the playoffs, here's a story about Franco Harris; one of the most famous Steelers. He's passionate about PSU football, Joe Paterno and showering with young boys.* God in Heaven, what a gigantic mess. I bet all the Terrible Towels in the world couldn't mop up all the bodily fluids excreted thanks to all these assholes.

The Toyota Biggest Blowout Award brought to you by Toyota is awarded, once again to Geoff's Dawgs. He destroyed Jennifer's Whoopie Cakes by over 60 points. He had three players score in the twenties, and three more score in the teens. Can anyone stop this juggernaut? This team must be neutered, and fast.
So here I sit, in last place again. I'm ranked lower than my girlfriend, who barely replaced Reggie Wayne (on bye) on Sunday. It seems that no matter what league I'm in, who my opponent is or how promising my matchups are, I almost always fucking FAIL FAIL FAIL at this. Sometimes I feel like I'm my own worst enemy:

*Dramatization. May not have happened.

1 comment:

sprinkles was here said...

Did you see that I made the playoffs on a three game losing streak too??? Fantasy football ROX.