This week's matchups for me were just about as abyssmal as Dolphins football. When/if the Dolphins win this year, I'm going to throw myself a party that's only slightly less depressing than Kirk Cameron's.
Naturally, I lost to Geoff's mighty Dawgs because that dipshit Phil Rivers was on bye week, probably picking out new Ed Hardy belts. While in some blind coma of stupidity, I picked up Rex Grossman and he hung out MINUS FOUR AND A HALF POINTS. My highest scoring player was Robbie Gould: Chicago's kicker. I think you'll understand when I commit suicide by jumping, crotch-first on rusty, pee-stained spikes.
While watching the pre-game on Sunday, I fell victim to a Two and A Half Men promo and a little light bulb went off: Tara's team is named after that stupid, vaccuos, lazy comedy. That would explain her blatantly tardy use of a catchphrase for a motto: "DUH! WINNING!"
In reality, 2.5 Rashard Mendenhalls would not even equal one Ray Rice. Here's Charlie Sheen in one of the Hot Shots! movies, properly remembered as someone that rules:
Jennifer was the recipient of the business end of Toyota's Blowout award, losing by over 40 points to Josh. She assures me that she doesn't give a shit. She's past the part where she's excited just to participate in something with me. Perhaps if I had more than one measely win ....
This week's leader, Josh probably picked up the handy-dandy Beckett's football insider for $12. He probably believes everything he reads in it, too: