Wednesday, March 31

It's More Like A Bag

If there's one thing I love more than tiny bean bags, it's tiny tennis shorts. Not only are they good for juggling balls, they're good for showing them off, too! Have ya ever seen a chicken heart, boy?

I can't believe they expected this skeevy activity to take off. When I was a kid, the skateboarding industry was spreading on the East coast, and I was too busy building ramps out of waterlogged plywood to give a shit about kicking around a little bag. Besides, I got my ass kicked enough already because I wore the long shorts/short pants hybrid known as 'jamz.' The 'Z' is because they're extreeeeeme!

I have to admit that I'm jealous of the dudes' handlebar mustache. Do they hand them out at the Foot Bag Championships? Because mine would never grow in on the sides. Think of all the Pringles flavor I could save with that thing!

Now I'm not a big-time producer of fringe sport promotional videos, but I know that splicing slow-motion scenes from Warren Miller skiing movies does nothing to further Foot Bagging. If anything, it sets Foot Bagging back ten years. They also need a better spokesman; one that can really capture kids' imaginations. Maybe that hipster Dave Hasselhoff or cool dude Pauly Shores.


Di said...

wow... you can tell it's old - they have small heads... the tennis raquets have small heads - not those peckers packed in those white man bloomers.

Jeffro said...

they hafta have the right shorts!