K-1 ... TFO

This is part 1 of a series of 3 knockout highlight reels released by K-1 Impact! For those of you who don't know, K-1 Impact! (the exclamation mark is for extreeeeeeme!) is like kickboxing, if it were held in the land of giants, where they take giant-sized steroids. After watching this shit, watching Lilliputian Asians fight seems like kid stuff. They don't produce the same power and impact as someone like, say Bob Sapp. Here he is lifting two Japanese women in sacks, as is the custom there:

I remember when ESPN2 practically looped this shit for a week. I worked on the floor as a trainer in a suburban YMCA and witnessed suckas getting destroyed all day long, to the horror of the 'family-first' managers and members. Every once in a while, someone who is cool would exclaim with glee at the utter carnage and remind me to look up from my duties and watch the replay. "OOOOOH LOOKITHAT! HE'S PROBABLY DEAD! HAHAHAHA!"

This is a non-stop parade of ultraviolence, to be sure. It reminds me of the way sports on TV used to be: with commercial-free highlights and little or no announcers ruining it. Check out the 2:08 minute mark, when Ernest "Funny, He Doesn't Look Danish" Hoost wipes his foot on the canvas after wetting it on his opponents' chest, then goes all Lil' Mac on his chin. The poor, chubby twit does a twirl on the way down, crumpling in his own unconscious defeat. Then, Hoost does a little twirl of his own. What was that? His interpretation of Daman Wayan's Wanda from In Living Color?
The 10:00 minute mark features a particularly cracking, slapping facial reconstruction kick delivered by express mail. I like to use this stuff in small doses until football is completely hibernating, but I'm glad I came across this. You're welcome.