Wednesday, January 13

So THAT'S What A Clutch Is

With the off season now looking a bit longer than some (lookin' at YOU, TOM BRADY), we turn to the second-most talked about topic in men's circles: I'm talking about fashion, of course.

This video from the Today Show. If you can stomach the soundtrack, check out the ensemble cast of sports personalities. Jesus, I just typed the word 'ensemble.' This video gave me the gay gene!

Tiki Barber, aka the metro D'hani Jones. He looks like he can barely keep from laughing for this piece when describing how 'hip' and 'with it' murses are.
Jack Bauer, gold medal winner in the Terrorist Torture Olympics. See his medal round win here.

Rev. Al Sharpton, Second Runner-up at the '81 Affirmative Action Games marathon. The European carry-all helps distract people from his glittery hair extensions.

Tom Brady, first round playoff loser and retarded giraffe. As part of their 'agreement,' wifey Gisele has him promote her line of men's purses in exchange for her beard duties.

David Gregory, hair model and last minute Russert fill-in. He would have us believe that he carries his 'research' in his bag. POPPYCOCK! Everyone knows he doesn't do research: he works for NBC! KA-ZING!

Ron Duguay (pronounced du-gay), former New York Rangers center. He's featured in something called The Battle of the Blades, where hockey players compete in figure skating. Yep. Looks like a butch David Bowie.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I've always wanted to be a model in a fashion show, featuring the latest in clutch looks, strutting my stuff to JT's Sexy Back. However, I'm embarrassed to admit that I used to carry Al Roker's "Real Man Bag." I bought it in 1999 and was incessantly ridiculed for it. Although it was a rugged Nike design and manufactured by Indonesian toddlers, I overestimated it's capacity so much that it hurt my shoulder and wrinkled my shirt. So if you take away anything from my confession here, remember that I HAD IT BEFORE IT WAS METRO. Also, I always made sure my shoes matched.

Thanks to Dianne for the tip!

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