Tuesday, August 5

Matt Serra's Definately Not Gay MMA Techniques

Hi I'm Matt 'The Terrah" Serra. You may remembah me from such reality television programming like The Ultimate Fighter IV and UFC 88: Reacharound. I heard your sorry ass was getting sand kicked in your face down at the peeyah, and I want ya tah know, I'm here to help. Anyways, it's part of my community service. If it was up to me, the closest you'd get tah me is if you were to buy a fuzzy navel for one of my porn star lady friends.

Got yah tights on? IT'S THE REQUIRED UNIFORM! Heh heh, ya like dat? It's a quote from Tha Breakfast Club, one of my favorite fuckin' movies. I got a lot a doze quotes. Anyway, diss week's lesson is called da Ray Charles. It's applied from the full mounted postion. After passing your opponents' guard, you're ready to kick his mooly ass. But he'll be expecting that. Instead of reigning down punches to get a stoppage or a KO, reach down and jam your filthy thumbs in his eye sockets. Flex the core muscles to get extra leverage behind it and force his skull down onto da canvas. You should stop when you feel warm goo, like a jack-o-lantern that's been lit up all night. It reminds me of Halloween back on Long Island!

It looks like you don't have it down yet. Good thing I put this little instructional video together. Take notes, junior. Someday, you could be da UFC champ.

The 10 Grossest Hollywood Thumbs-Into-Eyes

Now hit the showers, numbnuts!

No comments: