Monday, August 20

Your 2012 CFL Fantasy Football Naming Guide

Last season proved yet again to be fruitless for me and my team, the Magnitudes. "Pop! Pop!" indeed. The only joy I can gleam from fantasy football at all, EVER is the naming process. I've crafted this list and musings on each to reflect my zest for life and vent in all caps.

Sunshine In Spandex Jen and I read this in an ESPN mag piece on Victor Cruz. It's a positive twist on naming your team, given the rest of this list is either lame attempts at humor or obscenity-laced current event observations.

Nip Naps For about a year now, I've fantasized about using a close-up picture of my nipple as my icon. That way, even if my opponent defeats me, AND THEY WILL DEFEAT ME, at least they had to look at my nipple. The right one is named Bane (duh) and I call the left Benedict Cumberbatch.
Fashionable neck wear = serious actor
Ten Peter Dinkledges From my masterpiece, inspired by Drew's post. A lovely piece of photoshopping. On the down side, I may run out of midget jokes by week 7.

Fearections This is a workaholics reference. If you haven't already, do your homework and watch this joy of a show.

JoePa's Tummy Stix This is topical part of the show! Since JoePa was a sponsor of Jerry Sandusky's junior mentoring activities, he takes ownership of this team. Here's a fun gag: try whispering, "let's play tummy sticks," to strangers on a crowded elevator and just sit back and watch the laughs roll in.

Pussy Riot These Russian fame-hounds have a feminist punk band. It's called Pussy Riot. They're known for wearing pastel-colored ski masks. One time, they sang one of their crappy songs in a cathedral. The Russian government called it a hate crime and they got 2 years in the gulag. The other day, one of their supporters took a chainsaw to a giant crucifix. Oh, she also did it topless. I felt the same way when they locked up Martin Lawrence.

Chick-Fell-Ate More current events! And dick jokes!

Morning After Bills This pretty much encapsulates my fantasy career: inebriation, followed by poor decisions, then regret. AWFUL, SHAMEFUL REGRET.

REMEMBER: this year, we have big George crafting us a wooden trophy. Get ready for draft day!

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