Tuesday, August 28

You Can Add Published* Blogger To My Name Now

Last Friday, I was having a shitty day. I was informed by my instructors at school that I have to pay for some bullshit online test just so my school can satisfy it's accreditations. It seems as though too few of our dipshit students aren't passing the state boards the first time, so now I have to get online, pay like $30 and answer questions with a shit ton of mouse clicks. Makes sense.

But later, I clicked on Deadspin and read Drew's column about our beloved Miami Dolphins. He asked readers to send in their complaints about their favorite teams, and damned if your humble author wasn't the first one up! Here's my email to Drew before he snipped some out and made it less shitty:
I don't believe in luck, but the 'Phins are a monstrous demonstration of horrible luck. We're relieved to know that our management deserves everything it created. Every two seasons or so, Miami trades away some practice squad hustler or third string overachiever to the Jets or Pats for next to nothing, only to have that fucker gleefully shred our penises in a meat grinder. Down here, we call it the Welker curse. It's like Ray Finkel's revenge, only all too real to us.

If OJ Simpson and Casey Anthony had a baby, that kid would be a more popular Floridian than Jeff Ireland.
Needless to say, this really turned my day around. I wanted to celebrate with song, so here's a track from NBC's coverage of the closing ceremonies in London. Eric Idle did a great little number, and they only had to blurp out the word 'shit.' The whole thing was a gem of quality in an otherwise headscratcher of a production.

I hope all of you have a wonderful day! This time, I mean it.

No comments: