Saturday, February 4

Something Super Bowl Something

Cross a palsy-adled giraffe and a gay Ryan Gosling.  Ladies and gentlemen: Tom Brady.

It took me quite a while to recover from Bill Belichick's treachery a couple a weeks ago. The Patriots kicked the shit out of Tim Tebow and the Broncos. To add to the misery, we were watching this unfold at a bar that didn't serve hard alcohol. I KNOW, RIGHT? Speaking of misery, I'll be paying the winners in the next couple of days. You know who you are. No need to shit on my weekend.

Back to DEN/NE: By the third quarter, I was just praying to the Gods of Injury and Disability to smite Tom Brady's knees. My prayers went unanswered because they were not appeased: my girlfriend Jennifer had forsaken all decency and fashion; sporting Ugg boots. Weeks later, I'm still giving her the hairy eyeball whenever Tim Tebow is mentioned. Needless to say, this is nearly every day and I have been driven insane with rage.
Thankfully, I found this German guy that attempts to explain American phrases. Take it away, Flula!

This is a betrayal that rivals Jodie Foster's. First, she does a movie with Mel Gibson and lies to the audience: she never even flashes a boob! Then, she does a movie with convicted rapist/pederast Roman Polanski. That's like a 21 year-old Mike Tyson singing a duet with Tori Amos: it just shouldn't happen. IT'S OVER BETWEEN US, JODIE.

Preparations have begun for Cruz day, also known as the day the Giants win the fucking Super Bowl. February is black History month, but it's a leap year month that has an extra day. By my calculations, [fake taps random buttons] that makes it Latino History Month. What better way to celebrate than with New York Giants wideout Victor Cruz!?!? I don't know the final score of the game, but I do know the approximate number of Margaritas I will have:

The answer is Salsa. Enjoy the games and get home safe.

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