Brand New Key is a pop song written by folk singer Melanie, which became a popular hit in 1971-72. Taken from her album Gather Me, it was also known as The Rollerskate Song due to its chorus.This nightmarish melody is getting some serious playtime during NFL games this season. It's advertising computer printers and it has driven me insane. Just the other day, I hummed it softly as I ran down a family of ducklings.
There has to be a special place in hell for folk singers from the seventies. Thanks to them, scores of America's youth sang along and clapped to twats like this, and believed they could play the guitar just as good as her or better, even though this harpy strums two chords the entire three minutes.
NOTE: I would also like to add that all eleven competitors in the Boozehounds United League are fucking faggots.