Saturday, June 26

Here Are The Latest Losers

After the Algerian squad was eliminated by the last-minute heroics of Sam's Army, their star striker was approached by a reporter from his home country that he already disliked. Without a word, he struck her with his open hand. That's right, kids: he frikkin slapped a woman, IN THE FACE, in perhaps the most public way imaginable. She hit him back, then he was ushered away by security officers, presumably to be high-fived in private.

Why there is not video of this, I do not know. We she a reporter or not? What do they use to record things in Algeria, dictaphones? Victorolas? We should bomb them into the information age.

To the rest of the world, slapping a woman may seem a touch disrespectful. In Algeria, this is an everyday custom. A man there might assault fifteen women before lunch, sometimes even having to ice down his hand mid-day.


Australia: I was pulling for these underdogs (under'roos?) to scratch their way in, but Back to your crazy brand of American football, where you kick the ball way too much and your refs are dressed like old timey ice cream men.

Denmark: Even after mastering the art of war from countless boyhood Risk gaming sessions, I still find it difficult to distinguish between the countries of Daneland, Norseburg and the Nether Regions. Wherever they're from, it's back to their daily ritual: fingering dykes.

Italy: Defeated. By SLOVAKIA! Their last victory was against the Mongols 1,000 years ago.

New Zealand: Sheep shaggers, the lot of 'em. They're Australia's Alabama.

South Africa: Their team name is Bafana Bafana. I don't care what it means: it's frikkin' dumb. Here's a better double name: Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam.

Switzerland: Barry will be just fine. He's going home to these lovely ladies:

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