He's Handi-Capable!

This off-season, we here at MagBas will strive to bring you the best in gaming and sport, be it those in the physical realm or the virtual. Today, I offer this peek at Dead Rising 2, one of many zombie-slaying games available this year.

In it, you kill zombies in interesting ways ... sort of like Thunderdome, if Bartertown was infected with an un-deadly virus. This little buggie is called The Hawking, after science's most beloved physicist and noted drooler Steven Hawking. It features a giant exploding gift-wrapped box that disappears when activated. Plus:

* 12 programmable trash-talking taunts like, "Taste hot lead, hot
lead-tasters!" and "die, honkey!"
* 2-hour battery life for those marathon campaigns
* sippy cup holder
* hand sanitizer dispenser
* anti-slip tires available in most areas

Some other weapons of note:

Candle Cannon: A fireworks launcher. You know, for special celebrations.
10 lb. Sledge: You have two choices ... sing Peter Gabriel's theme or visualize yourself as Gallagher. Both are equally METAL.
The Cletus: A pitchfork with a shotgun affixed to the business end, for those close encounters of the sharp kind. Hay not included.

The Bullwinkle: a fucking stuffed moose head helmet. Those horns are like bony clubs of DOOM!

Whitewater Logger: Two chainsaws duct-taped to each end of a kayak paddle. This is what the Angel of Death would use to navigate the Colorado if he ever took a vacation. Don't ask how or why it works; just get to sawin'!

The Highlander: A Scottish claymore. Make hagus from their eviscerated bodies!

The Hawking gets my vote for best fictional character who makes the most of their disability, just edging out Rose McGowan's character in Planet Terror. You think she has a tough time at airport security? ZING!