Thursday, July 16

This Dolphin Will Swallow Your Soul

This unleaded fuel for your daymares is brought to you by something called NorthFur, a Canadian firm specializing in mascot performances and commercials.

I find this insulting to my sense of realism. Any dolphin costume without a working blowhole is not worth the investment. At least, not in American dollars.

Surprisingly, the Miami Dolphins have expressed no interest in employing the services of NorthFur, ever since Poochie the Rockin' Dog got fired after humping the leg of new part-owner Gloria Estephan.

It's a slow day here at MagBas ... I fired the entire staff yesterday and the offices are kinda quiet. Actually, they're absolutely desolate. I clicked on their site out of sheer curiosity. It takes creepyness to a HO ... NUVA ... LEVEL. Something about thier portfolio makes me think that it's just a pair of Canadian fuckknuckles that have seen too many horror movies. Naturally, they decided to play dress-up when they got thirsty:

JASON: Hey hoser... we're out of beer.

MARK: Shit! Who's turn is it to get a job?

JASON: Yours. I sold all of our beaver pelts last week.

[picks nose]

MARK: Damnit! Hey, you remember watching Hellraiser for the fourth time?

JASON: Yeah.

[eats it]

MARK: We should do that, man. We could do special effects and make-up and shit! Rent oursleves out to kids' parties and corporate meetings! We'll be thousandaires!

JASON: drawdrawdrawdrawdrawdrawdrawdrawdrawdraw

MARK: THAT'S AWESOME! WHERE'D YOU LEARN TO DRAW, EH? But what about the rest of the mouse and horse bodies? How are we gonna make them?

JASON: Just wear your Rage shirt. I'll put on my Metallica one. They'll get the idea.

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