Thursday, November 27

RIP My Sweet Hobo Sodomites

Last weekend, I watched in horrified disbelief as my precious Hobo Sodomites were crushed by Trey's 'Cuts Extra Baggage.' My backup Golden Boy, Matt Cassel delivered a perfectly-shaped turd and earned my team LESS THAN ZERO POINTS. That was some weak ass shit.

That shit cost me $50. All that money to give me an excuse to enjoy all the games, instead of the ones that I was lucky enough to see every other Sunday. Here is a list of some other shit that costs that much:

33 BRATZ dolls, accessories not included

22 fake beards, fuzzy

4.5 trenchcoats, Scotchguarded

relaxing 'massage' at the neighborhood Hug 'N Tug

Thai police bribe, generous

Perhaps if I had only chose a more fitting and permanent mascot to represent my team's underachieving potential and bring some luck to my flacid squad. Instead each week, as my icon/avatar, I displayed a myriad of images in an attempt to distract from the utter suckfest that was my team's performance. But they're gone now, and the proper arrangements must be made. Like the dude said from the Metallica One video: "Death has a dignity all it's own." It is my honor to introduce Torgo, my team's mascot:

Goodbye, sweet princes. Rest in peace. Off to that big dumpster in the sky for you. Don't forget your rag bundle tied to your stick. Awful jackasses.

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