Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen! Meet your fighters!
Thomas Roderick Brady
|Seen relaxing on the golf course.|
Nickname: The New England Clam Digger
Armor: Mirrored Shield of Reflection +3, Belichick's Chain Mail Hoodie of Homelessness
Weapon: Bastard sword of Model Smiting +4
Mount: ChiChi, the Jazzy Ostrich
Strengths: HAPPENS TO BE TOM FUCKING BRADY, entire offensive line, wears ring of protection from EPIC FAIL
Weaknesses: Brazilian supermodels, paternity tests, one or both of his feet
Battle Cry: Yoikes!...And away!
Tim DeWayne Tebow
|Shown here on the bench.|
Armor: Rock hard abs, Heisman ring of bling +2
Weapon: Jaw bone of jutting +3, lengthy catalog of Chuck Norris references
Mount: FloZell the BloodStork, Harbinger of Doom and Sorrow
Strengths: Circumcision, Baptism of newborn asians, can kill with one strand of hair
Weaknesses: Gorgeous SEC poon
Battle Cry: Excelsior!
Here they go, sports fans! Luck versus ability. Who will win? Only God can decide that. I'm calling my agent.
(bright flash of light)
Oh, FUCK! It appears as though the universe is imploding from the colision of these two mammoth forces of nature! This is like when the Ghostbusters crossed the streams! Oh, well. This is Pat Sajak saying, "see ya on the other side, assholes!"