Tuesday, August 13

My 2013 Team Name Poll Is Finally Here!

Welcome back to Magnificent Bastards! I missed you guys. IT'S FOOTBALL SEASON AGAIN! That means it's time to help name my Fantasy Team! I've spent weeks carrying around a dog-eared legal pad jotting down hundreds of names to choose from. For your appreciation, gentle reader, I've whittled it down to a few to choose from. Will you help me name my soon-to-be victorious squad of avenging super-humans?

[a single lonely cricket chirps]

That's what I thought. Here we go.

Pork Bullets I found out about a real product made and promoted by 'Muricans that infuses the essence of pork into bullets. This ammunition can then be fired into living Islamic Jihadists so that they can become dead Islamic Jihadists. "Put some HAM in MuHAMmed." I see what they did there.

Speaking of pork products...

Piggy Poop Balls is one of the most glorious internet memes of all time, but it went largely unnoticed because it's really just gross. I could think of no more disgusting icon and/or mascot for my team. The story emerged this year, but the photo has been around since 2011. From Gawker:
 My friends and I had just noticed him and were all looking at his gargantuan balls for no more than 3 seconds when all of a sudden he poops out this huge turd. It fell out his ass, onto his balls and sat on top of them for about 30 seconds before slowly sliding off. I think he made it fall off by taking a couple steps.

Nap Nips is a reverse of last year's fourth place team, the Nip Naps. It's Jen and I's pet name for nipples. The insult is two-fold: it forces our grating terms of endearment on others, and gives me an excuse to show my pink nipple in a photo every time my opponent logs in. BONUS: I love Naps.

BIG FUCKIN' TITS It falls out of the mouth just right.

Cornados Jen and I were inspired after all the Sharknado business. We didn't screen the movie, but we both agreed that an F5 tornado going through a cornfield would be as deadly as it is awesome. DEATH BY MAIZE.

TactleNecks This is Sterling Archer's favorite garment. Since Jen and I are HUGE fans of the Secret Agent and his lover/rival Lana Kane, it seems like a good fit. It's really more of a regurgitated thing I like to shout out because I'm a retarded parrot who blurts out non sequiturs at every turn.

Leave your vote for my team in the comments. I have two teams again this year, so give me a runner-up. If you think you can do better, name your shitty squad and one-up me, ya one-upper.

1 comment:

Jeffro said...

Jen and I heard Elton John's 'Benny & the Jets' the other day ... Jen being a woman, QUIT the league and still wants attention. So ... "Jenny & the Jets" is born.