"Unless you've got POWER!"

This is from the "WHERE THE HELL ARE THE FLYING CARS" department. I found a status report on my desk the other day: December 23, 2009 ... STILL NO FRIKKIN' FLYING CARS. What the hell, scientists? Didn't you see the Jetsons?




Are you bored? Are you Canadian? Then we have the extreme sport for you! Mattrax (catchy name ... did you take the blue pill?) is here! This is a line of tank track systems that can be made to fit on many vehicles, including a snowboard-like platform. Living in Florida, I have no idea why anyone would need this except for slinging mud everywhere. The website claims the Mattracks has a "unique patented design, sophistication in engineering and simplicity in function." I'm not sure what that means. The Canadians have bastardized our precious American language to suit their primitive culture.

See the video here. If you listen to the golden-voiced narrator around the :08 second mark, you'll notice him pointing out that thrill-seeking Canucks can't always make it to the slopes BECAUSE THEY'RE SNOWED IN. Alas, theirs is an icy hell I'll never know.

On the brighter side, I now offer this example of how America (F__K YEAH!) is always ten years ahead of Canada in all respects, including power-assisted extreme sports vehicles. Take it away, Biff's gang of futuristic ruffians: