Thursday, July 2

The Summer Spin, Kick and Fall Down Championships

I caught this on UniqueDaily today. The caption reads:

Footage of the SpewSpinner 5000 in action. This was a device created to
entertain us during the slow moments of the Bathurst 1000 this year.

Normally, I wouldn't post this nonsensical garbage, but I had another football dream last night, and it left me with a nasty taste in my mouth acompanied by the usual longing for the great sport of AMERICAN FOOTBALL. This happens about every week, for the last month or so. For all those concerned, I am now seeking help for it. By help, I mean drinking and fetal-spooning a bottle of grain alcohol thrice daily. To the analysis!

At first glance, methinks his was a bunch of dumbass drunk Canadian greasemonkeys. They apparently took a racing harness and welded it to a retired carnival ride. Note the dingy yellow stain on the headrest. Did Big Bird run 500 miles on it?

It seems our friends north of the border have long since cut their mullets off, but kept the cool things that came with it: jorts and rugby balls. Later, the only audible voice I heard was that of an Australian. Stange; I could have sworn this was filmed behind a bacon processing plant. The Bathurst 1000 sounds kinda Australian, but then again I don't speak the language. A savage and backwards people, the lot of 'em.

Luckily, Metallica is a universal language. My favorite competitor (or athlete?) is William 'Comic Book Guy' Cook taking a header into the grass after failing to hurdle over the fertilizer pile, splashing beer all over his shit.

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