1) Lord Calvert is what rednecks drink (see: plastic bottle, rustic label)
2) cream soda is for pillow biters
As I celebrated another score by the 'Phins, I jumped so high that I slammed my head into a low-hanging eyelet for a sex swing mounted clandistinely on Ross' cieling. He really needs to get some therapy.
My vision was blurry, but I could just make out a terd with a helmet as he appeared appeared before me, shouting, "SHOOT, ALEX, SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!"For the love of fuck's cunt that guy is annoying. If I were Alex Rogan, I would have ejected that uppity co-pilot into the cold vacuum of space the second he whipped out the pictures of his 5,000 little 'Grig-lets."
Each week here at Magnificent Bastards, I present Death Blossom. I will pick one of my Hobo Sodomites and describe for you, in gory detail how I will kill that player. Winning and losing does not concern me. What concerns me is the unyielding suffering and eventual death of a player, in which I have a personal interest in succeeding. I thank you in advance for your words of encouragement and heartfelt text messages during my lengthy stay in a Federal prison.
This week, my victim is Matt Schaub. I traded Brian some unlucky asshole for this cuntfaced pussy. He captains the offense for the winless Houson Texans. He decided that his little T-Rex throwing arm was aching and decided to fucking sit out of the game. WHAT. A. BITCH.
First, I'm going to gather all my credentials and head on down to the heavy equipment rental place, wherever the fuck that is. Then, I'm going to rent my huge piece of fucking shit steamroller and put that shit into high gear. I would surely be able to outrun that immobile douchefuck injured pussyflap of a benchwarmer, Matt "Big Schaub." Finally, I run over that sandbagging son of a whore up to his neck, leaving him barely alive to I can crank up the 10,000 watt stereo I had specially installed on the steamroller. In case you were wondering, it cost an extra $25.99, plus insurance. Ladies and gentlemen, here's DethKlok singing their hit, Bloodrocuted!